Last time I wrote about comparison and my need to conform in order to feel that sense of belonging and validation that I craved. Through my experiences I have come to know that this need is based in fear...
The day I arrived at Lake Atitlan after travelling all day from Mexico, I stayed the night in a tiny hostel in Panajachel. This is where I met Frederico from El Salvador. He had "quit the real world", bought some land in northern Guatemala and lived off what he grew on that land, making a little extra money for his coffee habit teaching permaculture. We spoke about following our own path and how difficult it was sometimes - that feeling of lonliness that can make us doubt our decisions.
Frederico encouraged me to not be afraid of being the sheep that walks in a different direction to the rest of the flock. He told me to listen to my intuition and gut feelings, ignoring logic and what I believe to be possible/impossible.
I told him about my Quest, the search for my tribe and my difficulties in striving towards something that is, as yet, unseen. I admitted I was lonely and started to cry. Frederico leaned over and gave me the most amazing hug. He told me I am safe, I am loved and I am perfect. To feel that kind of love from a stranger was overwhelming and made me realise that I want to be able to give that kind of genuine love and support to someone who doesn´t even realise they need it. Everything I want, someone else wants too... maybe everyone else.
My conversation with Frederico brought so many things together for me. In allowing myself to be vulnerable I was able to receive so much more! I realised that it takes more strength and courage to let people see your weaknesses and vulnerability, than it does to follow the majority and only show your best bits to the world.
I can also see how this links in with our ability to be creative. I have been writing, producing poetry and journalling for years - since I was 11 I think! Putting anything I´d written "out there" was terrifying to me and starting this blog was a BIG DEAL. But I knew that in order for creativity to flow it needs to be used and encouraged. I must do what I love to feel full and to be able to love fully.
|Writing amongst the pillows|
The key was that I had to do this for me. I´m not writing for recognition or with the expectation that it will lead to anything, or that anyone will even read this. And I had to not care if I was criticised, or received negative feedback. This is my outlet for expressing myself creatively, sharing my story and hopefully inspiring some people along the way.
This Full Moon in Scorpio (21/22 April) is perfectly timed for this post. It "encourages a softening in attitude towards oneself; a willingness to admit needs previously denied and vulnerabilities kept hidden... We are all in this together and not so different from each other. The need to show a certain coping and tough face to the world keeps many in a prison of lonliness, unable to connect authentically for fear of the mask slipping to reveal a scared, flawed and vulnerable human being. This Moon assures us it´s okay to be any or all of those things." (Sarah Varcas, mysticmamma.com)
|Full Moon rising|
So in seeking solace in a Salvadorian, I came to this:
Creativity is the ability to take a risk and having the courage to be vulnerable. If you are not prepared to take that leap of faith, you´ll never learn how creative you are!