Monday, 5 December 2016

The Space In Between

At almost 37 weeks pregnant, my baby could choose to arrive any day now. Fully formed and functioning, the only thing left to do is get fat :) The baby will need to store up some energy ready to push their way out of my body and into the world. This also affords us some TIME. Time to rest, marinate and explore the space in between sleep and awake, old world and new world, mystery and reality. It is a time to feel into and allow for the collaboration between body and baby - a partnership that has been evolving since conception, that culminates at the moment of birth and may continue on through breastfeeding.

I've heard a few people call the last weeks of pregnancy "the space in between" which only now makes sense to me as I sit here with my baby curled up inside my belly, wriggling around waiting for the right moment to be birthed into existence. Although for me their existence has been real since the days of the first movements and kicks. Already communicating and reacting to stimulus like touch, sound, or chocolate ice cream...

A little blessing ceremony to prepare baby and me for birth

Its amazing how much love I feel for this babe, even before birth... already so protective. For much of this pregnancy I've felt emotionally drained and vulnerable, but despite being physically exhausted, I now feel an overwhelming sense of strength and power to do whatever is needed. Writing this I am reminded of Durga, the Shakti Mother Goddess, stories of whom describe her unparalleled fearlessness and fierce power as she defeated many demons in battle. One of her weapons is the thunderbolt symbolising strength of spirit. By devoting prayer to Durga she will empower you with unwavering confidence and will. For the past 3 months "om dum durgayai namah" has been my mantra, so perhaps she has heard me - coupled with all these pregnancy hormones no wonder I feel so strong!

Maybe that's why this in between space is necessary; to calm, slow down and breathe. Waiting for baby to arrive does feel a little like holding my breath... I am so ready for this next stage of my life but at the same time the longer I have to wait, the more time I have to contemplate all that I am saying goodbye to. Independence, autonomy and lack of judgement. (It seems becoming a mother invites a whole heap of judgement - but that's another blog post!)

Its apt that all this comes at the end of the year, when everyone is taking time to reflect on past events and turning attention to their hopes for the new year ahead. This is an opportunity to release and let go of anything that no longer serves us and focus on the things we want more of in our lives, no matter what obstacles might lay before us. To quote the late Mohammed Ali, "it isn't the mountains ahead to climb that wear you out, its the pebble in your shoe." So get rid of those pebbles!

As my body prepares for birth I realise that with the uncomfortable aching of my pelvis opening, so too is my awareness expanding. I am creating a portal... or I am a portal, to enable a soul to take physical form. A soul that is entrusting me with their growth, birth and nurturing. I must let go of, accept and surrender to the physical changes in my body and welcome the opportunity to bring new life into being.

Birds eye view of bump :)

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